Bing.com image
Chris Berman’s Wallet as shown to ESPN’s Scott Van Pelt
recently. It has been compared to Seinfeld character George Costanza’s and has
created quite the buzz on the internet lately.
By WILLIAM "SKI" WILCZEWSKI
The social
media world has been all abuzz after ESPN mega-star announcer Chris “Boomer”
Berman flashed his—let’s call it—wallet of memories when being interview
recently by Scott Van Pelt.
I’m not sure if the exact contents of the “burrito,” as Van Pelt called it, have or ever will be confirmed, but Today’s News-Herald did get an exclusive letter from the new-found celebrity that we would like to share with you.
Dear Lake Havasu:
I’m not sure why everyone keeps comparing me to Seinfeld character George Costanza’s counterpart.
I’m much bigger.
Much bolder.
And real.
Truth be told, thought, all this media attention about my size is quite flattering—you know what I mean, right guys?
Especially given the fact that for all these years all Berman has really done was sit on me, scrunch me and stuff me fuller than two Thanksgiving dinners, it’s nice to finally feel appreciated and get the spotlight I so “richly” deserve.
I emphasize richly, because—if you didn’t already know—Boomer is worth $18 million, according to getnetworth.com, so you can imagine the pressure I’m “under” to perform.
I also emphasize under, because you know Boomer’s no lightweight and spends a lot of his time on his duff (and therefore me), although he plans to work on that when he semi-retires in Hawaii.
Regardless, Chris called me his internet when he was chatting with Scott the other day, although Van Pelt was also quick to point out that there was “plenty of cash in there,” too.
Due to a confidentiality agreement signed in 1979 when Berman was first hired by ESPN, I’m not at liberty to be truthful about my contents, but rumor has it that I may have been up to my stitches with decade-old receipts, a billion business cards and $200.
Because of all that, I have been called the eighth wonder of the world.
An organizer.
A memory.
An old friend.
I’d like to consider myself all of these.
Most of all, though, I’d like to consider myself the real reason for Berman’s retirement.
A serious case of sciatic nerve pain
I will be sending out a press release on that by the end of the week.
By the way, you’re welcome Boom. I told you that you should have given me a crack at the spotlight a little sooner.
And speaking of cracks … well, never mind … …
Regards,
Chris Berman’s Wallet
By WILLIAM "SKI" WILCZEWSKI
I’m not sure if the exact contents of the “burrito,” as Van Pelt called it, have or ever will be confirmed, but Today’s News-Herald did get an exclusive letter from the new-found celebrity that we would like to share with you.
Dear Lake Havasu:
I’m not sure why everyone keeps comparing me to Seinfeld character George Costanza’s counterpart.
I’m much bigger.
Much bolder.
And real.
Truth be told, thought, all this media attention about my size is quite flattering—you know what I mean, right guys?
Especially given the fact that for all these years all Berman has really done was sit on me, scrunch me and stuff me fuller than two Thanksgiving dinners, it’s nice to finally feel appreciated and get the spotlight I so “richly” deserve.
I emphasize richly, because—if you didn’t already know—Boomer is worth $18 million, according to getnetworth.com, so you can imagine the pressure I’m “under” to perform.
I also emphasize under, because you know Boomer’s no lightweight and spends a lot of his time on his duff (and therefore me), although he plans to work on that when he semi-retires in Hawaii.
Regardless, Chris called me his internet when he was chatting with Scott the other day, although Van Pelt was also quick to point out that there was “plenty of cash in there,” too.
Due to a confidentiality agreement signed in 1979 when Berman was first hired by ESPN, I’m not at liberty to be truthful about my contents, but rumor has it that I may have been up to my stitches with decade-old receipts, a billion business cards and $200.
Because of all that, I have been called the eighth wonder of the world.
An organizer.
A memory.
An old friend.
I’d like to consider myself all of these.
Most of all, though, I’d like to consider myself the real reason for Berman’s retirement.
A serious case of sciatic nerve pain
I will be sending out a press release on that by the end of the week.
By the way, you’re welcome Boom. I told you that you should have given me a crack at the spotlight a little sooner.
And speaking of cracks … well, never mind … …
Regards,
Chris Berman’s Wallet
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