The world of mascots can be strange ...

(Originally written on 12-11-12)

Name-game

The world of mascots can be strange ...

Opinion by William Wilczewski

At the time—Wednesday, to be exact—it wasn’t official that it was going to happen or not but the funny thing is that the NBA’s New Orleans Hornets even thought about it.

The “IT” you might ask, is changing their name to the New Orleans Pelicans!

Really?!?!

At first I thought it was a joke, then I realized my information was coming from Fox Sports, so I was reassured that it just might be.

Regardless, I read on like a speed-reader on crack, waiting for the punch line—but it never came.

In fact, it all seemed as legit as Sting’s receding hairline.

What is the world coming to? I mean, I know basketball is not really considered a contact sport, but those big boys can bang around under the boards like Floyd Mayweather Jr. trying to get away with not paying alimony.

So can a pelican mascot really be that intimidating to anyone aside from a newborn fish, tadpole or turtle?

I doubt it, but the topic did give me time (a lot!) to consider some other gut-busting nicknames I’ve heard in my 42 years on this ball of mud—and this is what I came up with.

Like the …

Winged Beavers, of the Avon Old Farms High School in Avon, Connecticut. The mascot is a beaver with wings wearing ice skates and shooting a hockey puck. Sounds like God and Darwin were smoking my aforementioned crack during a bender.

Then there’s the Awesome Blossom. No kidding, students who attend Blooming Prairie High School in Blooming Prairie, Minnesota, have a giant blossoming onion as their mascot—and get this, it’s named after an appetizer served at some area restaurants. Wow! At least they could stick a razor sharp fork and rusty knife on their jerseys to at least impart a little fear in their foes.

Next is the Unicorns. The mythical horses with a single horn on their heads, are the mascot for students who attend New Braunfels High in New Braunfels, Texas. I bet they mythically win the state title every year … in every sport. (Insert laugh of sarcasm here!)

And how about the Hot Dogs of Frankfort High School in Frankfort, Indiana. Rather than the food item, the mascot is an angry-looking dachshund with a sweater bearing the letter "F" on his back. Add a “U” to that, and they might intimidate someone out there but my bet is “N”-“O!”

Topping my high school list is the Meloneers, the mascot of Rocky Ford High School in Rocky Ford, Colorado. Get this, the mascot looks like a muscular watermelon in red shorts. Pass that crack again.

And while you’re at it, pass it to New Orleans Hornets owner Tom Benson, who according to Fox Sports said that he'd heard fans complain about the team name when he bought the it, and wouldn't be opposed to a change.

Other names considered in New Orleans were Krewe (for the groups of revelers that take part in Mardi Gras festivities) and Brass, but what fun are those?

Apparently no fun at all.

The Pelican moniker, though, believe or not, is not even original to Louisiana, because it’s also been the mascot for a minor league baseball team in New Orleans for several decades, and Benson already owns the rights to the name.

To make a stranger twist in the matter, the name change, according to Fox, would open the door for Michael Jordan to return the Hornets name to Charlotte, now the Bobcats. It’s a move MJ said he would consider if it were to become available.

Word of advice to MJ: If you decide against the Bobcats or Hornets, stay away from the Fighting Artichoke, the mascot of Scottsdale Community College. Artie, the mascot himself, might not take to kindly—and you don’t want to upset an already irate vegetable!