They may be loco on the links … or maybe not

By WILLIAM WILCZEWSKI

TODAY’S NEWS-HERALD

 

Notes scribbled on the back of a grocery store receipt after buying 30 gallons of water, five bottles of sun tan lotion and two extra pair of sun glasses …

“That was crazier than climbing Everest blindfolded, on one leg … backwards,” Jack said to Jim as the sun beat down on the pair like Buster Douglas beating down Mike Tyson.

“No it’s not,” Jim replied back to Jack after wiping a sweat bead from his eye for the millionth time in the last couple hours. “It’s about the love of the game.”

Jack: “Well, I like golf just as much as the next guy, but I would never do this again—not if you paid me in ponies, ice cream and a thousand bucks in three dollar bills.”

Jim: “I don’t see what the big deal is. Sure, it reached 117 degrees today in Havasu, but that’ll never stop me from still hitting the golf course. I don’t care what anyone says. Heck, it’s even cheaper this time of year, isn’t it?”

Jack: “Yeah, and the money you save you can hide under your mattress for the doctor bill you’ll end up with after that heat stroke episode.”

Jim: “Don’t be crazy, pal, it’s just a matter of drinking plenty of water and wearing the right clothes to make sure you’re protected.”

Jack: “I guess that’s why you jumped in every water hazard on this crazy desert course, huh, pal?!”

Jim: “Well … er, um … ok … sure, that could of gotten us in a little trouble, but it’s not like they’re fighting people off with a stick around here lately. There are a few of us loyal duffers out here, but nothing like those prime non-summer days.”

Jack: “Uh, yeah, and I think that’s for a pretty good reason, old chum. All the people with half a brain cell left are in their cozy homes listening to the cool, calming hummmmm of a finely tuned air conditioner.”

Jim: “Oh, now that’s no fun. Where’s the sport in that, buddy? Yeah, those sour saps are chillin’ like villains, but what kinda war stories will they have compared to ours?”

 Jack: “I guess you’re right there, amigo, but I musta lost 30 pounds out here today, and I don’t think my wife will recognize me when I finally drag my battered body back into the house.”

Jim: “Small price to pay, if you ask me. Besides, you needed to shed a pound or two anyway, pal. Heck, you were making Rosanne Barr look like a Slim Jim, anyway. Your doctor will probably tell ya I did you a favor.”

Jack: “And your doctor should probably order you up a straitjacket, so you can hug yourself all the way to the funny farm, buddy.”

Jim: “Okay, okay, okay … does that mean you won’t be hitting the links with me again next week, Jack?”

Jack: “I’ll think about it. But, if I do, we’ll need to make an earlier tee time. What time is sunrise, anyway?”

Jim: “Alright! It’s a deal, Jack. By the way, though, what changed your mind, pal?”

Jack: “Call me crazy, but I guess you were right … love of the game, Jim! Love of the game!!”

Wilczewski can be reached at wwilczewski@havasunews.com.